My life is changing, a lot.
This much I know.
It started mostly when I got back from Colorado. I was officially starting to like my weight and I could not wait to get back with my friends,
just like old times.
But the thing about the term "old times" is its just that, its OLD. In other words, its in the past.
I hadnt quit perpared myself for how different everything was going to be, how could I? It was like entering the Twilight Zone or something. Nothing was what it use to be,
except maybe the fact that my mother was still a drunk
and my step dad was still a jerk.
but my relationships, my priorities and my feelings were all so strange and new. And nothing was for the better. It was like I had walked back into a life that was never mine. One that never even exsisted. I went back to emotional eatting, stopped working out. I felt abandoned and depressed and lonely. I felt that no one was who they seemed and that none of theses "new people" wanted anything to do with me. Like they did things that they wanted me to know about, but in the end they only wanted me to know about it so that I could be left out.
After several months of being back (and several pounds gained) you'd think I'd have worked out all these problems, but I dont think they'll ever be worked out.
I guess the best metaphor would be something close to this;

you live on a dirt floor. You spend months, even years making yourself a nice carpet because you know that it would make living so much nicer. After all the time, you've finally finished.
You're so proud and happy. All you're friends and neighbors applaud your efforts.
But then someone, lets say its your friend. And they're also your neighbor, steals it. But they act like its theres. And so does everybody else. You cant steal it back because then everyone will call you a theif and you'll be hated. And everybody dismisses you're tell about how its actually yours. Even though they watched you make it, and they applauded your finish result.

Thats what I feel. Everyday.
And I hate it, but what can I do?

Nothing.

Its been very long since I last wrote anything.
I got back the 12th and since then have spent just about every moment running around with my love and hanging with friends. And always with a coffee of course.
Yesterday I got a snake. Its a creamsicle corn snake named Ko~Ji. He's about 8"in long and totally adorable. Actually, he's half mine, and half Jesses. He stays with Jesse.
Today I got my hair cut and colored. Its much different. I loves it.
Tomorrow is job hunting day. And when I get a job, Im going to buy a car <333