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10th-Jan-2009 11:59 pm - My Love
Dear Beautiful,
I love you dearly. You are the one that keeps my heart beating. When I see your face I cannot help but smile. I feel the corner of my lips being tugged no matter how much I dont want to. I love how you can make any day perfect and when I fall asleep at night, you are the one I am thinking of.
I hope life brings you everything you want. I hope you are happy and healthy. When times get bad, just remember this note to you that I wrote with sincere and endless love.

Forever yours,
Me
18th-Oct-2008 03:01 pm(no subject)
I saw this picture of me today. It was taken maybe last year. I had long hair with colors of the rainbow in it. I had cats eye thick black make up and Too Faced Red eye shadow. I looked....amazing. I dont mean to sound self absorbed, its not like that at all because it didnt even seem like I was looking at a picture of ME.
I have a baby now? Really? How'd that happen? And I dont do my hair everyday. I hardly do my make up. Hell, last night I fell asleep in my make up. Which is a big NO NO.
I dont watch what I eat either. I dont notice when my thighs touch when I walk. Seriously. That use to be my way of telling myself Im failing at life.

Im not her anymore. Its like my Siamese twin has been cut from my side and moved to another state. Did she really exist?
Im not sure. I think so.

Its really not about me anymore. I dont care what people think of me or how I look. All I care about is that my baby is healthy. MY BABY. My daughter. Shes real, thats one thing Im certain of. Shes mine.
27th-Sep-2008 07:14 pm - An Angel Has Been Born
I have been blessed with something so beautiful its hard not to believe in a higher power.
She is my miracle.
A look at her reveals everything I want and need in life. She is my present and future and the air I breath. I have been reborn. From woman to mother.
I have traveled to many places and have never seen anything so perfect in my life.
I am crying tears of joy just because I know that she is mine. That my life has changed and it will only get better. Sleepless nights have never been so enjoyable. I would change any numbers of diapers if it meant having my finger squeezed between hers. I have never been so desperate to see the color of someones eyes or more proud to see what looks like a smile.

Nothing can ever prepare someone for motherhood. Its an impossible feeling to describe. But its the most gratifying feeling in the world.
25th-Jun-2008 12:23 am - Where to begin?
I havent been on in awhile, for many reasons.
I was working about 35 hours a week at my job,
and another 25 a week at school.
I've been cut to part time at my job.
So I now work 8-9 hours a day, 3 days a week.
I absolutely hate it there.
Its the worse possible place I could work.
The people there are unbelievable and Im sad I ever excepted the position.
I would love to quit, in fact, I would have quit a few months ago if I were not pregnant.


Speaking of pregnancy, I love it. Im not 26 weeks! I cant believe it.
My morning sickness disappeared at about week 12 and i've gotten it maybe 4 times since then.
We call out little bundle "Bean" for now. Shes precious.
I say she because thats what we think she is, although we're not 100%.
We're having a 3d/4d ultrasound someime mid-July, so that will confirm the sex.
I started to feel her kick about week 17 and so did Daddy.
Shes constantly on the move now, I think shes tight on space atm.
And the movement is visible.
Its incredibly.
Shes so strong and shes already a bit of a brat, but I love her to pieces.

Her was a picture of her at 11 weeks old



And 14 weeks old


This was our last u/s pic at 19 weeks



On Fathers Day I woke up with my first stretch marks, they're on my butt so I guess that would my fault that I got them.
I've started using stretch cream twice a day,
crossing my fingers that will help.
I've always been talking to a few photographers about pregnancy shoots.
We'll see how that goes.

As far as weight gain, I've added 20+ pounds to my once small physique.
And I've been gaining about a pound a week.
Oh, and I started going to the gym two weeks ago (i've been going once a week),
Its about time I get in shape.

Well, I guess thats all, Im leaving you now with a 25 week photo of me.


18th-Feb-2008 04:07 pm - Fuck being thin
Where to start?
I havent written in quite a while.
Well, Im pregnant.
I found out on January 27th.
Now im about 7 weeks, almost 8. Its the most exciting thing in the world.
But morning sickness is a killer. I've been throwing up like crazy the past few days.
Oh and I've been eating non stop. Its down right PAINFUL if I dont.
Our first doctors appointment is on Thursday. I cannot wait.
Heres a picture I took at 6 weeks

Photobucket



Also, we got a dog. Shes the cutest thing ever. She a tiny chow with a big head and little ears.
We names her Honey Bear.

Photobucket

We adopted her from the Humane Society because we want our child to have a dog. And she'll be perfect. She's so mellow for only being a 2 year old.
And she doesnt mind being pulled on.
Plus, whats better than a protective dog for a little baby?



Lauren, Jesse's sister is moving out in 2 weeks too. Shes going to Scottsdale to learn to be a pastry chef.
That means we're going to have a two bedroom to ourself.
Which I think is too big,
so we're going to move when the lease is up.


And in March im starting at the local Beauty School to become a hair stylist.
Which will be mega crazy since I'll be going 5p-10p and I already work 8a-3p!
But lifes good.

26th-Jan-2008 08:16 pm - Day 1
Is lately I've been gaining this.
I thought I would eat right for once try to be normal.
But i've been getting fat.
period.
So im back to dieting.
Tomorrow I'll be fasting
and my goal is to get back to the double digits.
12th-Jan-2008 12:24 pm - lucky girl
Today has been a good day.
I slept in until 11am with my honey and my favorite kitty by my side.
Now we're just sitting on the bed.
Him caring for his new tattoo and my cats claws tearing at the bed sheet.
Somehow this is peaceful.
It makes me smile.
12th-Jan-2008 12:11 am - So last year
Wow. I havent posted in sometime last year.
2007 was a fun year, but no doubt 2008 will be better.
I graduated and started college. I even found a job.
I then dropped out of that college and quit my job.
But I'm going to take classes at a new college and will hopefully get a job soon.
A higher paying job.
Me and my love are moving to California in late April/early May. He's going to start college and Im going to get a full time job.
Eventually, Im going to go to Cosmetology school and we will both have booming careers in our choosen professions.
But as of right now, I'm looking foward to the concert next week and the Renaissance festival in March.
Oh and moving in with him sometime this month
22nd-Oct-2007 11:05 pm(no subject)
My life at this moment, simplified;
Work hard,
play harder,
do school in between.
7th-Oct-2007 10:19 pm(no subject)
My life is changing, a lot.
This much I know.
It started mostly when I got back from Colorado. I was officially starting to like my weight and I could not wait to get back with my friends,
just like old times.
But the thing about the term "old times" is its just that, its OLD. In other words, its in the past.
I hadnt quit perpared myself for how different everything was going to be, how could I? It was like entering the Twilight Zone or something. Nothing was what it use to be,
except maybe the fact that my mother was still a drunk
and my step dad was still a jerk.

but my relationships, my priorities and my feelings were all so strange and new. And nothing was for the better. It was like I had walked back into a life that was never mine. One that never even exsisted. I went back to emotional eatting, stopped working out. I felt abandoned and depressed and lonely. I felt that no one was who they seemed and that none of theses "new people" wanted anything to do with me. Like they did things that they wanted me to know about, but in the end they only wanted me to know about it so that I could be left out.
After several months of being back (and several pounds gained) you'd think I'd have worked out all these problems, but I dont think they'll ever be worked out.
I guess the best metaphor would be something close to this;


you live on a dirt floor. You spend months, even years making yourself a nice carpet because you know that it would make living so much nicer. After all the time, you've finally finished.
You're so proud and happy. All you're friends and neighbors applaud your efforts.
But then someone, lets say its your friend. And they're also your neighbor, steals it. But they act like its theres. And so does everybody else. You cant steal it back because then everyone will call you a theif and you'll be hated. And everybody dismisses you're tell about how its actually yours. Even though they watched you make it, and they applauded your finish result.


Thats what I feel. Everyday.
And I hate it, but what can I do?


Nothing.

22nd-Sep-2007 01:07 am - Weighing Me Down
Fact: I obsess about my weight.
Fact: I dont give a fuck if you dont like it.


Sometimes I sit and beat myself about how much I weigh. Other times I'll toss in the towel and eat a cup of noodles. But in the end, I cant look into a mirror and think "You have a decent bod."
Because no matter what that scale says, I know I dont look right. Something is always off, not right, out of place, so big, too small.


Fact: I weight 100 pounds. 99 on a good day.
Fact: I am almost 5'5.
Fact:That should mean I look thin
Fucking FACT: I look no where near it.


Cheers to all you girls that have the discipline to not eat. I salute you. I think you are beautiful even if everyone else thinks you look like a skeleton. I envy you. I believe eatting disorders are beautiful and attractive. Im drawn to them like cartoons to artists.


Now send me hate mail, I dont care. Because I dont know you and dont care about your opinion.


16th-Sep-2007 02:23 pm(no subject)
Last night I realized something. Its amazing how well someone can think even if teir mouth cant spit out more than a few fluent sentences at a time.
What I realized was that life will never be even close to perfect. Sure, I've known true perfection isnt realistic, but I was always trying to come close. It wasnt until last night that I realized even that wasnt realistic. I have to stop trying to make things better and just have fun.
Have fun my way .
Im always telling people that they need to put themselves first. But in the process, i stopped putting myself first so that they could be happier.
What I've needed is to stop caring about others so much. I need to do what I want and live how I want without taking others into consideration, because its not their life. Its mine.
Others having no problem disregarding me, so how come I've had such a difficult time disregarding them?
Well, thats over with.
From now on, I dont care; Im just out to have a good time.
30th-Aug-2007 01:01 am - Not sure, just rambling
When was the last time I posted?
Like forever ago.
Well, I got back from colorado,and then i chilled.
Now I have a job, sort of.
I work at Caffe Diva, but I dont start until Sept. Because Im leaving for TN again. Until the 3rd, so not very long.
Then on the 4th, I have training for when I work the election polls on the 11th.
And again sometime in NOvember.
Wow.
I want it to be October, because i cant wait for All Hallows Eve. I think I'll hit up 4th again, like last year.
That was fun.
I really dont want to leave Friday, but I guess its for the best.
I'll get to see my family and laugh at all the silly people at the Pancake Pantry for inquiring about if Im famous or not.
ANd when I get back things will start to fall into place, just like they are suppose to.
15th-Aug-2007 09:01 pm(no subject)
Its been very long since I last wrote anything.
I got back the 12th and since then have spent just about every moment running around with my love and hanging with friends. And always with a coffee of course.
Yesterday I got a snake. Its a creamsicle corn snake named Ko~Ji. He's about 8"in long and totally adorable. Actually, he's half mine, and half Jesses. He stays with Jesse.
Today I got my hair cut and colored. Its much different. I loves it.
Tomorrow is job hunting day. And when I get a job, Im going to buy a car <333
6th-Aug-2007 08:14 am(no subject)
So yesterday I got back from camping.
S'mores are amazingly good and fire is fun.
But lack of showers and the fact that for some reason my family always becomes extra bitchy and bi polar on camping trips is not.
6 More days
31st-Jul-2007 04:01 pm(no subject)
This is not good.
This is now an addiction.
And im this close to selling my soul.
30th-Jul-2007 01:11 pm - Ugh
13 more days until Im back in Arizona.
Today is my last day of taking any kind of pill.
I feel sick and fat.
I am thirsty
21st-Jul-2007 11:26 am(no subject)
Im in bad shape.
10 drops, 5 minutes per ear. Needed for both ears.
3 pills each day, for 10 days.
Sinus medicine 1-2 everyday.
This is where I am at with my health right now.
This is me being more sick than I have been in many years.
20th-Jul-2007 06:40 am - Sick
Early this week I woke up in the middle of the night in such pain I felt as if I was going to die. As a whole, my symptoms did not match any sickness or disease. This stumped my parents and made them stress. They contemplated going to the childrens hospital, but I wouldnt have in. After relieving myself of previously eaten food, I fell asleep. The next day there was some pain, but I chose to ignore it.
Then a few days ago, I was woken up by another intesnse pain, this time in my ear. After taking some pain killers left over from my fathers surgery, I fell asleep. Yesterday I saw the doctor (of which I saw 2 weeks ago and whom was amazed by my health) and she gave me sinus pills and ear drops. This morning (about 4:30) I woke up yet again, but this time my other ear is killing me.
To say the least, I am not in the best of shape. I feel horrible and am in pain.
I dont remember the last time I was sick. I never get sick.
So I blame Colorado and for the first time, do not want to be in this state.
Its a sad world.
12th-Jul-2007 12:05 pm(no subject)
I just want today to be OVER.
Tomorrow, Friday the 13th, will be a great day and the anticipation of the next 20 hours is killing me.
Currently, the love of my life is on a Grey Hound bus somewhere in Texas.
And for what?
So that by tomorrow he'll be here.
With me.
And I cant help but feel like the luckiest girl alive.
3rd-Jul-2007 03:37 pm(no subject)
Converse Love <3
My dad says he's going to limit my coffee intake.
That is nothing to joke about.
Im certainly not laughing.
Nope, no one finds that funny, sorry dad.
Next joke please.


My shoes didnt come today, I had hope.
Prolly tomorrow because thats how life goes.
Btw, Im leaving tonight.
Just to a different state.
No more world traveling for awhile Im sad to report.


Over and Out.

29th-Jun-2007 04:36 pm(no subject)
Disregarding off days, parents, and the occassional coffee deprivation, I am one hell of a lucky person.
Just in general.
I win things, I find things, bad happenings often turn good.
I've began noticing this about May, but more so when I was in Japan up til now.
For example, for gradduation I wanted to find new shoes. And then I found the perfect pair and they were on sale. However, they did not have them in my size....
not so good.
But since then, I would sometimes think of them and want to wear them with a certain outfit (I am only a girl, and I know this sounds like such a omg, lyk OMG story, but oh well).
Well, just now, I was online and I found the exact shoes. Not only that, but in my size and cheaper than they would have been.
Now thats luck.
hahahahaha.
Wow, no.
Yeah.
27th-Jun-2007 12:19 pm - YAY!
16 more days!
I cant wait!
25th-Jun-2007 11:52 pm(no subject)
japan was the best.
People were great.
shopping was great.
Sights were great.
School was great.
Family was great.
10th-Jun-2007 07:29 pm(no subject)
Im in CO now. Its nice. Weather wise and what not. I get my passport tomorrow.... or atleast thats the plan. Ian Bug is adorable, of course. I love being with him.
This summer almost doesnt seem real. It hasnt quite set in how long I'll be here yet. Although maybe thats just normal because I'm so use to it.
It's only been 2 days and Im already looking forward to going back. Not that I want to leave, because I dont. I love it here. I just miss him. Yeah, I know you know who I mean.
Bittersweet I guess.
8th-Jun-2007 10:15 pm(no subject)
Tomorrow I leave for Colorado. I've done some last minute packing. Although this time im 10x more nervous about forgetting something because Im packing two suitcases; one for CO and one for Japan.
Earlier I got my hair done and chemically straightened. I cant wash it until Monday...
hmmm I wonder how that will turn out.
8th-Jun-2007 01:51 am(no subject)
Peace
For some reason, guys like to give me things.
Shirts, pants, pins, chapstick, coffee, whatever.
By far, the shirt with the "how the hell did it get that big" hole in it is my favorite (thank you Jesse, I love you bunches), but now im straying.
I dont know why they do. I like to think it's because Im nice. I hope its because I can make people feel comfortable and happy. I hope that I can cheer up peoples day. Maybe they think im cute. Like thoses people that really arent the best looking, but they have a great personality, which makes them cute. Maybe Im like that.
Its nice to know that even in this day and age were image controls most everything, personality still has a chance.
6th-Jun-2007 09:41 am(no subject)
"Everything around you becomes brilliant and positive; you’ll begin to appreciate the simple things in life and live with more determination and resolve. At work, you’ll feel a great need for change but first you’ll have to find the right opportunities. In Love, you’ll overcome this stagnant phase with unusual and creative initiative."


Amazing, I cant wait.
The only problem is this hindu spot on my forehead..hmmmm.... or should I say MMMMMMMM
This is the last day I'll see Jesse before I leave :'( But I guess that means I'll have to make the best of it.
I cant believe I leave for Japan in 6 days! And I need to pack, because Im leaving for Colorado in 3 days.
I guess I better get started on my day now.
Well, I love you all!

31st-May-2007 05:30 pm - Happy Birthday Nathan
Yesterday was fun/bittersweet. I went to see Jesse and his family, I was kinda sad just because I was having a down day and because I dont know how much I can see him before Im gone.
Afterwards I drove to Bunnys for band practice, our new drummer never showed up so we drove to Office Depot to get glossy copies of our band poster. However, OD does not have glossy copies, so we went to Kinkos and got 7. Then we went to Something Sweet because we're both crazy girls and made friends with the girl working there.
Once we left we drove to Sunflower Market and then Target. I bought a shirt, sunglasses and a heart necklack and Bunny got a ton of different things.
Last we stopped at Safehouse and both the guys working were awesome. One guy, that I havent seen before reminded me of an old friend of mine. Bunny went on to beating the record for the most spins while having our head on a bat game. You know the one.


And then theres today. woke up at 7 and got ready, I left by 9:15 to get Bunny and then we came to my house and baked 80+ muffins. We piled all muffins into the car and drove to get Joseph and then to Compass. After leaving Compass we dropped off Joseph and went downtown. While downtown, Bunny took me to Delicatables and we ate, then went to some stores. Some guy said that I was "truely original" and that he was not bullshitting me. I guess thats a nice compliment. Then some girl took our picture for a school project in Photography. Once we had stopped in a few shops, we walked to Hydra and I bought a necklack. Bunny previously bought me a sticker and ring as a graduation gift. On our way to the car, I grabbed a shake and went into a thirft story we were previously in so that I could give the worker a hug. He said we were cute and that the hug made his day better. Awww.
Sorry this is sooo long. Not that I expect anyone to read all this, because I know no one will. By this point could say whatever I want and no one will ever know....ASzXjmhb
Anyways, we made two more stops. No three. Hancock fabric, puppy place and some tattoo place. Now im home. I just finished nathans birthday cake and we're going to dinner later.
Its his birthday today.

27th-May-2007 12:58 am(no subject)
So i know I say it a lot,
but I really love my boyfriend.
I love having him around because he makes everything seem ok.
Better than ok,
great even.
He makes me smile and laugh which I need to do more.
And every time he has to go, I always feel cheated of time.


Today was great.
As was yesterday
and the day before that.
I hope tomorrow will be equally as great.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.

24th-May-2007 12:56 pm - So heres whats up
Im actually graduating today!
I cannot wait. But I wont believe it until everythings over and done with.
My father flew in today so that he could be at my graduate/after party. We're going to get lunch later today.
I hope this summer is the best yet. Im pretty sure it will be.
Last night was my friend Kaeleighs promtion/graduation thing from Middle School. She looked fabulous, as always. I love that girl, although she needs to have more faith in herself.
Today I will get my liscens.
Other that that, I'm applying for some colleges now. I have my first application essay due Saturday morning.
And I still need shoes for tonight.
19th-May-2007 10:33 am - Yeeeeahhhh
Rap puts me in the mood to dance
Which i will be doing in 2 hours.


"You need to be more slutty.
You're dancing is too stiff."

17th-May-2007 12:47 pm(no subject)
First lame blog from the school comp. room?
Yes, very.
No, you'd be wrong to think I have anything of importance to say to all you few but very lovely people.
I love you!
And Bunny, I kinda love her too!
16th-May-2007 06:31 pm - FATTT
Eatting is bad for you, silly girl.
13th-May-2007 09:00 pm(no subject)
I dont have much to say,
I just feel like writing.
Today was ok, I made my mother breakfast in bed, an annual tradition.
It was 10x more enjoyable since SD wasnt here.
Then I hung around the house and watched TV. Horrid.
But Jesse stopped by and that made everything better.
I also watched Girl, Interupted. Its a great movie.
12th-May-2007 11:27 am(no subject)
So I could sit here and write about everything I managed to cram into 4 days in New York, but then you'd be reading this for hours and we cant have that.
So heres the short[er] version....
By the time we got there we were starving, so we dropped our things off at the hotel (Me, Bunny, Heather and Racheal all shared a room, we had the nicest) and then headed out for good ole NY/Italian Pizza and afterwards walked around some because the hotel was right on Time Square.
Next morning we got up and had yummy bagels and took the subway to Ground Zero (not really where I wanted to be) Bunny and I walked across the street to Saint Davids and looked at the gravestones. After that we headed to The Metropolitan Museum of Art, which was awesome, and we saw Central Park, although we didnt have anytime to stop and walk around. Our class stopped at the hotel after to refresh before going to see Chicago. Thats when I took Bunny over to get a Jamba Juice (I was totally craving one) and we ended up meeting about a dozen Spidermen and a few other characters. THey were all really nice, I liked talking to them. It was for the Late Show with David Letterman. Later that night we went to see Chicago. It was an amazing preformance.
The next day we went to Radio City and got a tour, even meeting a true Rockette. Next was A Chorus Line, another broadway play. On our way there, we passed the New York Naked Cowboy and I had to get a picture with him. Chorus Line was good, but not worth 60-some-odd dollars. Once that was over half of us went to a toy store (I dont remember the name of it, but it was cool) and there was a toy soldier guy opening the door. I hugged him twice and got my picture taken, he was amazing.
Then we went to see the Urban Bush Women down in Chealse (gay central, i loves it)
The four of us (Heather, Racheal, Bunny and I) didnt sleep that night (well, Heather did some, but still) and as soon as the sun was up the next morning we headed out to walk around and get food.
New York is a fabulous place, I want to live there one day. Its so glamourous and busy and interesting. I cant wait to go back.
6th-May-2007 09:53 pm - Hellos Beautifuls
In 12 hours I will be in NYC.
I've been doing some last minute packing (because im a pro at this kind of thing and can execute it beautifully.) Kitty is on my messy bed, happily sleeping and I'll most likely be joining her soon.
KFMA Day was fun, however terribly cold and windy. Ew. Today was fun too, I spent the majority of it with my love, which was amazing. I miss him already. Especially the hugs. He gives great hugs.
4th-May-2007 04:34 pm(no subject)
My computer is being so unbelevebly stupid right now. Grrrrrrr.
Today I worked on school work a hell of a lot, im proud of what i accomplished. I think I may start pulling 12 hour school days though in order to get everything done.
Im in that mind set in which i have to get everything done no matter what. I think i even like spending every minute of my free time doing computer work, or maybe thats the crazyness taking over?
Tomorrows KFMA Day, im looking forward to that.
30th-Apr-2007 07:29 pm - Guess who hasnt posted in awhile?
Me!
But anyways, I've been up to a lot (in between slacking off i mean). In order to Graduate, i need to have all my work done by the 18th, and i've been procrastinating, so now im in trouble.
Im going to be super busy with work for the next 2 1/2 weeks thats fer sure.
But today I managed to print out 3 recommendation papers for college and my 20 pages worth of typed short stories. I also began my 2 page typed paper about Immigration due friday.
On top of that, i found time to buy shorts, gifts for dad/ian/host family girl and New York/Japan necessaries.
Woo.
Oh, and lets not forgot I got my ears pierced again today.
Tomorrow Im driving up North to go see my Dad and have Dinner. Jesse's coming with so thats exciting.
Saturdays KFMA Day, and Monday I leave for The Big Apple.
Luckily, I have Dark Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans to keep me in check.
23rd-Apr-2007 09:21 pm(no subject)
These words that are fed to me are empty and pointless.
The words that I feed are full of hope yet carelessly tossed aside.
My optimism is wind, it comes and goes and no one seems to have a say it in, some like it, others damn it.
My tears have morphed to laughter because my brain has decided to shut down my heart.
Temporarily out of service.
I giggle at the all too real thought that I may be losing my mind.
My life has gone back to step one.
The condemned feeling that I have let down Father-Dear. The stomach turning that my alcohol inclined mother can never help me.
And me standing alone, giving up on my A-List Acting that everything is great.
No body likes standing alone, so we always find someone to drag down with us.
21st-Apr-2007 03:23 pm(no subject)
So here I am,
2 purses,
1 body wash,
A white collar blouse,
Navy skirt,
1 Hommie chain,
1 ring,
2 ear rings,
1 Dress
and 2 hair barrettes
richer.
Sipping my Safehouse Peanut Butter Blended,
Wondering if this is all today will amount to.


My life -ladies and gents- in a nutshell.

20th-Apr-2007 09:19 am - 4 - 20 - 1999 2007
Besides the fact that it is the infamous "420", it is also a day of rememberance. For most, this day is painful, yet for many this day is also a day of awaking.
8 years ago today, in the small town of Littleton, Colorado, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold stormed Columbine High School and seeked vengence on there fellow classmates, who for years, picked on them and brutally took there will to care.
On that day, Reb and VoDKa (there nicknames) stood up for all those kids that have ever been picked on, pushed around, or beaten up. They showed that enough was enough.
So often I hear people saying what horrible children they were, how they had no right to do what they did, how they could have just asked for help.
News check, they did. But nobody cared, they werent popular enough for anyone to care about them. For anyone to even stop what was happening.
The students at that school treated them like shit and no one ever tried to stop it. Not the teachers, the classmates, the princpal.
They are not evil. They were provoked.
There death was not in vain.


RIP
Reb
April 9, 1981 – April 20, 1999


VoDKa
September 11, 1981 – April 20, 1999

16th-Apr-2007 09:30 pm(no subject)
Ok, so today was my birthday. The first half was slow, but it picked up. I went to the Safehouse and got a free coffee (<3) and then went out to Athens to eat.
And god, eat I did. Thats all I've been doing today! Its madness I tell you. I need to cut down and I would too, if it wasnt for everyone always trying to get me to eat.


By the way, here are pictures from prom


A Night To Remember


It was an amazing night.

11th-Apr-2007 11:12 pm - I Love Him.
Love

I just want everyone to know that this boy means the world to me. I think he is more than perfect and there is no one else in the universe I’d rather be with. I know sometimes I can be difficult and just plain mean, but he still puts up with me and I love him for that. I’ve always been horrid at trusting people, but he’s taught me that I can trust. And sometimes I even worry that he’ll leave me but deep down I know he won’t and that security is everything I’ve ever wanted because it’s the only thing I’ve never had. He listens to me and helps me and I will always do the same for him. He’s my security blanket, my confidant, my best friend and my lover.
But most importantly, he’s mine-
And I’m his.


Jesse, if you read this, I want you to know that Im sorry for causing such trouble. I always love you, even if sometimes I get mad or if it seems like I dont. You make me feel like the luckiest girl alive. I think you're perfect.

11th-Apr-2007 07:47 pm - This is going to long, i swear.
So today i woke up at 6 and i was totally bleh.
I had a cup of coffee and a single chocolate candy for breakfast. Then i left to school. We shot the last 2 scenes of our movie and I got a coffee at Coffee Exchange. Then we got to leave early. (im in a good mood at this point)
But my mom was being a little naive bitch and it put me in an absolutely horrid mood.
But i drove her to work because we got our car back and I wanted to drive. Then i hung out with Gavin for the 2 hours I was there.
Afterward, the two of us went to the mall. I needed to buy stockings and a hair piece for Prom, and found both. I have the utmost confidence that I will look amazing that day ((=D)).
I also went to Hot Topic and found the perfect boots and a new top that i love. The guy working was really nice, so that was cool. Then i got some Ice Cream and met a wonderful girl named Charlotte, who works there (DQ) (I love you Charlotte!)
Then we stopped at Borders because my mom needed to get something. I noticed the guy had a "snape foe or friend?" thing on his tag, and it was on the "Friend" side. So i went up and told it to flip it around. He did and on the "foe" side he put a sticker that said "awesome" ^.^ We then talked about how we're both going to stay up and wait for it to be 12am at the bookstore. I told him I would have liked to be at that Borders for it, but that I would be in CO.
And now im home.
Oh, and Barbaras in the hospital. Poor Barbie = [
10th-Apr-2007 07:19 pm - Not that it means anything.
These entries are no more than me looking to do something, or to rant.
Its not like anyone reads them anyways.
So anyways,
today was good i guess. I celebrated Bunny's Birthday Day, she like that. And then we went to Coffee Exchange, and i thought a "tall" meant small....
No.
It means a triple shot apparently. So to say the least, i had a hell of a lot of expresso today.
Especially since i had had a single shot 3 hours previous.
But this is ok because expresso aways makes me hyped, or atleast awake, and when im like this Im generally optimistic and loving.
Its a win win situation.
In other news,
I finally found thee perfect hair piece for prom!
And then i lost it...
So tomorrow Im going back to buy another one.


And remember kids,
Jeezous loves you
-re mom.

9th-Apr-2007 02:18 pm - Grrrrr
It pains me to know that my mother is only going to become a bigger idiot as she gets older.
Shoot me now.
8th-Apr-2007 02:22 pm - Happy Easter!
So today is Pegan Bunny Day, yuppie!
I have ate sooo much, im going to balloon and everyone will scream and run for there lives when they see me
"Ahhhhh godzilla!!! Run before it eats youuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!"
I got back from CO on Thursday and spent Friday and Saturday with the love of my life.
very fun.im sad it had to end.
Next weekend is Prom, im excited.
ANd next monday is my birthday
woo hoo 17.
4th-Apr-2007 09:32 am(no subject)
I dont know why exactly I was thinking about it, but looking back on my childhood, I'm surprised I didnt turn out a lesbian. Sometimes I think I should have.
I had my first unofficial girlfriend when i was in preschool. Her name was Alexis, but I called her Alex. She was my first love. I remember holding hands all the time and every morning we would kiss and hug eachother and same when we had to say goodbye.
I didnt ever look at boys, i had no interest, but I do remember thinking she was beautiful. She had light eyes and dirty blonde hair.
The next few girls were nothing more than best friends, but i would be lying if i said I hadnt though one or two could be more.
However, i am sure that somehow i turned out straight. I couldnt imagine dating any girl, too much drama. And besides, im not looking.
I just got back from Leadville.I small town in Colorado, supposedly the highest town in the US. Its pearched 10,200 feet above sea level. It has one (1) main road,a few dozen houses,3 Coffee/Cafes, a ton of antique stores and then some. Cloud City makes awesome Mochas. I had to high five the barista (baristo technically due to the fact that it was a dude).
Anyways, we stayed in a two story house with 4 bedrooms and lots of furniture. Seems as if there would be plenty of room yet me and Devilmann ended up sleeping on a wooden floor with sleeping bags.
I suppose it had something to do with the fact that there were 13 other people besides me in the house and due to process of elimination i got a floor.
Well, i write back later.
I miss everyone so much, but Bug keeps me company. He's adorable. I'll post pictures soon.
XOXO

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